Turning it Over

I may have mentioned before I don't trust easily.

Over the summer we found ourselves wondering why we felt like the puzzle piece that didn't fit... and after meeting with the pastor and weeks of prayer we began a journey - looking for a new church. I was torn. On one side -the church was familiar. The kids seemed to "fit". We were greeted with handshakes and warm smiles. The teaching was rock solid.So what could be wrong?

We searched our hearts. Prayed. Thought about ways that we should grow where we had been planted... that going church shopping just didn't make any sense. Maybe, it WAS us. Maybe we were out of God's will. I began to question so much. We tried 3 churches in a whirlwind of the 6 weeks before the deployment.

And landed somewhere huge.

It's a good church. But starting over ...especially through a deployment is hard. I am standing on the promise that God is not the author of confusion 1Corinthians 14:33

and I am discovering my trust is shot.

and emotionally I am hurt.

and in order to step back in I have to have blind faith.

We are faithfully attending. The kids are invlved in the weekly Bible club. I am attending the womens Bible study... but the more I go the more I am beginning to see I am hlding everyone at arms length. I am not really letting anyone in...
my heart has to reopen and become vulnerable.

and I just don't know if I am ready for that.

Lord,
I give it all to you. take my heart and show me how to love and trust again the way you want me to. Direct my path, make it simple to see the joy again. Take me back to my First Love. Show me where you would have me to serve and help me to be genuine, real and to not guard my heart because ultimately you are the one protecting me. In Jesus name.
Amen

blogging blahs

I am most definately in a slump.

I don't mean in life.
but in writing.

Its not that there is nothing to talk about...

I just wonder if it is worth talking about.

I mean, some of it is real life...
BUT
if it isn't good should I blog about it?
Which raises questions...

lots and lots of them.

and still leaves me a bit befuddled.

be patient..if you're still out there.

Happy Birthday take 2

My son and my daughter were born a day apart, so its another day of birthday celebration around here.... and wishin there was a daddy here to celebrate these special days with us.

Happy Birthday

My Sweet Micah boy, my littlest babe.... my little peanut. I cannot believe today you are 9 years old. You were my miracle babe. Happy Birthday....

half my heart.... and all my flatbrats

are on the other side of the globe. But. no worries you can make your very own flat brats to send to your deployed loved one by following this handy dandy link and your very own photo and voila! your deployed service member does not have to be alone. And it is certain to boost troop morale as they all get a smile from your flatbrat crew. Make sure your service member has fun with it, and takes pictures of all of the flat brat adventures....

The Race

quietly waiting.
I can hear myself breathing.
The race begins soon.
The beads of sweat drop off my brow.
As the sun rises another day will dawn.
Another day to wait. and watch. and cling to...
before the big day.

God has chosen this race for me to run.
I cannot do it without Jesus CHrist at the center.
My race will influence others for Christ.
How it will influence them will be determined by how I run the race.
It is a marathon. not a sprint.
I will need to be consistant.
It may be filled with obstacles.
opposition.
perhaps even forces we cannot see.
that WILL try and steal my Joy
and God's glory.
I need to remember in order to win the race.
I can not drop out of it.

so for now.
I will hit my knees
and pray
because the Lord alone
will be the One to give me strength
to endure.

Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14

I am sometimes accused of being to passionate about some topics.

Be advised. This is one of them.

OpSec (operational security)

as you may have guessed we have rounded a corner on this upcoming deployment. Our days seem to draw a little shorter as reality seems to hit us.

and yet.

I think this one issue is key in having our military come home safe and sound. There are a lot of well meaning wives, girlfriends, mothers, fathers, sisters, aunts, etc that talk about priveledged information online, over the phone, in our facebook status, through emails...

we need to be so very careful!

here are a few rules I plan to follow...

DON’T USE YOUR SERVICE MEMBER’S REAL NAME
Don’t discuss current or future destinations/ ports of call/deployment bases .
Don’t discuss current or future operations or missions.
Don’t discuss current or future dates and times of exercises or missions.
Don’t discuss readiness issues and numbers.
Don’t discuss specific training equipment.
Don’t discuss people’s names and operations.
Don’t speculate about current or future operations.
Don’t spread rumors about current, future, or past operations or movements.
Don’t assume the enemy is not trying to collect information on you; he/she is.
Don't relay any type of sensitive information over electronic media
Don't assume your family members understand OPSEC guidelines! Go over them with them before your servicemember deploys!!

With all that said- I will be blogging about the deployment. But not what he is going through. I will not post issues of morale. I will not be sharing specifically where he is heading. I assumed other members in my family understood this and I was proven wrong. ANyhoo...

stepping down....
please understand this issue truely can be the straw that breaks the camels back and is very important to me