Thursday, December 31, 2009

I'm not sorry to see it go


It has been a rough year for us.

My eldest girlie turned 14 in January...

The top of the year brought surprising orders out of the desert and into the big city. Which brought the loss of our lifestyle, our ranch, all that we had known for 3 years abruptly to an end. With any major military move, it also brought the loss (or changes) in many of our friendships much to our dismay. And I wish I could say after being married to a military man for 15 years... that I get used to it. I never have.

With heavy hearts we headed to the coast of CA. The beautiful warm sunshiny coast. We LOVE the area... in fact for me its safe to say I could live here forever... but God may have other plans so I am afraid to get to comfortable.

The 1st 6 months we struggled finding and fitting into a church... and in the midst of that the news rolled in late spring that my dad had stage 4 terminal lung cancer.

By the end of June he was critical so I flew back to NC fully anticipating to bury my dad... and yet I was haunted by an ache. The ache of knowing he had never trusted Christ as his Saviour. And while I watched my dad in the hospital, a man who at first didn't even recognize me, day after day...he seemed to get better. He beat the odds and even came home... I do believe God let him live for that 2nd chance and he took it.

Once I flew back home life was a whirlwind of kids, undone assignments,Kiah turned 5, another homeschool year to plan for and a baby arriving in the fall...

and in the midst of that we got a call that we had gotten base housing... so now yet another major move. We found a church to call home....HOORAY!!! And then a monkey wrench. My parents were about to lose their health insurance AND their home.

so being an only child, and doing the only thing I knew to do, we moved them in on October 2nd. At first my dad seemed pretty ok. My mom was angry, bitter and a whole flurry of emotions from leaving the past 12 years of her life behind, all her animals, her cars... everything was packed into 6 bags...everything else left behind.

I packed as much as I could in for my dad (as much as I could without health insurance that is) social security appointments,Micah turned 8, medicare/mediCal appointments, appointments to the clinic,MaryRachael turned 3, trips to the ocean, the pier, anyplace dad still wanted to eat. I cooked a turkey with all the trimmings...knowing he may not make it to thanksgiving...

And then Aaron arrived. The glimmer of light in this year. He was * 8 lbs, 15 oz the biggest baby I ever delivered. But I didn't even know his name when I went back in for the 2nd surgery... because he was yet another c-section... and I they didn't think I was going to make it. Once they stitched me back up they couldn't stop the fact the very last thing before I fell asleep tot the anesthesia combined with the lightheadedness from the loss of blood) I heard was ..."I dont think she's gonna make it..."

When I woke up I was in and out of a daze. My husband was there..the next hours are a fog. And over 6 hours later I met my youngest son Aaron. Oh what a doll. He is just so precious...

He got to come home and meet his grandpa.

There were challenges that 1st week though. like a slightly high bilirubin, which had us feeding him every two hours per the hopitals "recommendations" so on the Sunday morning following his arrival when he was listless and unresponsive we called 911. And off we went. A flurry of tests. I remember telling the doctor, just save my son... I am about to bury my dad I cant lose Aaron too. And after a 48 hour stay in the Naval hospital I got to come home ...just in time for Justyn to turn 10.

It was a rough day. By the time I had arrived home my dad's condition had gone from bad to worse. He wasn't really even here anymore. During Aaron's birth I had an incredible nurse who called social services and they called a local hospice company who took my dad on as a compassion case.

But on November 4th around 5 am, my mom came into my room in tears. My dad was gone.

Then came trying to get back to a new normal... whatever that was. I was emotional and postpartum, and simply trying to maintain my house with a newborn and 5 children, a husband and a mother who clearly did not want to be here.

Then the holiday season was upon us. We all got the stomach flu for thanksgiving, so that got postponed. Then the flurry of the Christmas season, trying to keep Christ as te focus for the season.

AS the holidays have come and gone, there have been yet other challenges. A close friend of mine lost her newborn baby girl, which has laid heavily on my heart. Aaron has had issues nursing and just this last week my milk supply has been danger low...

But I am going to continue to do what I have done ALL year through. I am going to trust God, and continue to put one foot in front of the other and trust that God has it all in control... and no matter the outcome. I will choose to praise Him.

I don't know what 2010 has in store for us. I don't want to put a bunch of unrealistic expectations to anything. I just want to live to serve God and glorify Him, not matter the circumstances in our life. I want to be a beacon of light in this dark world, I want to be different, set apart. I want to capture the moments that are so precious on my camera, I want to pray without ceasing, I want friends near and far to know I love them, and if everything seems to go wrong yet another year, I want to choose to praise Him through the storms.

No comments: