Do what HE calls you to do

Moving back to the desert was supposed to be easy. A perfect fit. One size fits us. A complete package....

But instead it has been wrought with uncertainty, a hint of lonliness, and has left me questioning why God led us back here... granted it hasnt been long and I did have a baby & I am still buried a bit in the unpacking process....

But we have been fellowshipping at a new church.... & last Sunday & tonight I have been hit squarely in my heart by the words that was taught.

I need to stop walking in the flesh. Remember how to be a disciplemaker. and you might be thinking you? You havn't forgotten. But I would say.. yes... I have. I am very willing to make an investment in a child or teen or even another person... but to be a disciplemaker I have to be willing to walk in the trenches with them and even get a bit messy... and I AM willing... but not always when they need me.
I need to dig deep & be a person of prayer. The Word of God is eternal.
I should be investing my life in the Word of God, Jesus & people.
And I was faced with the questions... am I investing in those 3 things...

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God [is] quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and [is] a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

I need to change my behavior.

As I told this to my daughter she said... "but mom, we are better than most people" and I said.. that is not good enough. Its not about comparison. Its about loving Jesus so much that you cannot imagine not obeying His Word. It isn't an obedience based out of legalism... but one based out of a deep love.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 All scripture [is] given by inspiration of God, and [is] profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.

I should be equipped for every good work.

Truth is as a believer in Christ if I am not equipped to be kind and tenderhearted, willing to lend a hand or offer an ear to listen or even speak the truth in love or share the Gospel then I am not living for Jesus....

James 1:21-22 Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.

Accept the Word & DO WHAT it says to do.

Don't be self deceived, don't think I am better than anyone ... but if I have the knowledge of what I should do as a christian and do nothing with it... does that even make me useful? And if I don't share the good news with others ... does that make me much use to God's kingdom?

READ the Word of God. This is so simple and yet so easy to skip. in the daily hustle & bustle of life.. how easy to just say ...oh I will read it tomorrow... and how many tomorrows does it take before we do read God's Word?

I was reminded that if I am not careful I will take in just enough of the Word to be immunized by it's truth, which at some point will render me not entirely useless but certainly a baby needing to feed off other people who have a stronger walk with Christ than I do. I need to be memorizing scripture. I need to be intentional about studying and hearing the Word of God.

It's not easy.

But what if the reflection people see of me doesn't reflect Christ & I call myself a believer in Christ?

I am not saying I can achieve perfection. I can't and thank goodness for grace. But what if I did take God's Word so seriously that the life I lived did become a direct reflection of God's Word. How would that change me?

AM I willing to submit & find out?

season of change.... again

well... its almost here. February. and still I am pretty absent from the bloggy world. but soooooooo many changes are upon us. We are buying a house. Have I mentioned that? And certainly not where we THOUGHT we would buy a house. Its a house back in the desert.

and this is the view from our back yard.
it is exciting..
and scary...
and not somewhere I ever thought we would would "retire" from the USMC. not in my wildest dreams. but we close on the house this week and the shift is happening. We are busy decluttering and packing and sorting....and in an amazing way it all feels very right. Like it's where we belong. But in so many ways and on so many levels that doesn't make any sense.
And we have loved our time here.... beach side and days filled with cotton candy sunsets. Strolling the wharf and spending time with dear friends....

and I for one will miss it.

but its ok this time. I know we can come back and visit. Its just a short 2 hour drive west from where we are going.

and changes are coming. a big move.. a baby at the end of the month, a scheduled c-section and last but not least my hubby retiring from the USMC. crazy changes. exciting changes. maybe even a bit unnerving changes.

but we will keep looking upward counting on God to direct our steps as He always has.

Aaron's story

October 27, 2009 at 10:27am Aaron came into this world.

I wanted to have a vbac but after 41 weeks and a 24 hour pitosin drip it didn't appear that this little guy had any intention of gracing us with his presence. so we headed in for c-section #3. At first it seemed fine. Baby was taken out. He appeared to be healthy. after showing him to me they whisked him and frank off to the nursery...

that's when things seemed to go dreadfully wrong.

I remember moving to a different gurney and then wheeled down another hallway
and then I was lightheaded and woozy.. and I heard my Dr say something about losing too much blood too fast... we have to open her back up... and the last memory I have is praying..."Lord, just let me see my baby.. if you don't want me to have more children then let me know somehow"

I wouldn't meet Aaron for another 6-7 hours. Little did I know that my very life was in the balance as I hemoragged. and the very 1st words the nurse uttered to me was ... "welcome back, they managed to save all your girl parts" and I have been told that at that point I insisted they hook me up to a breast pump cuz I was absolutely certain my little guy would be beyond starving.

We had a rough start... but we both made it. We struggled with nursing, but this mama cannot be dissuaded. After months of pumping he finally latched on and nursed like a trooper until a month before his 2nd birthday. He even met my dad before my dad passed away... I honestly expected him to be our last little one.

but this past spring we found out we were expecting again. The Dr's looked for something to be wrong. but even the placenta despite multiple c-sections was placed perfectly. And while we are not attempting a vbac we are praying for a smooth and uneventful birth story.

I am sure none of my readers have ever experienced mommy burn out before...
but I am there.
at the cusp of why do i homeschool my children?
(knowing all the reasons why i do it)
why doesnt anyone ever obey me?
why can't they just seem to care about what they do...?

so we changed gears this year. A more relaxed approach. but it just seems like they dont care..about anything sometimes. It feels like I prepare or get excited for something only to walk upstairs and see my hallway and a bedroom thrashed by legos.... or see the arm of yet another doll chewed by the puppy.... i think I am just completely and utterly overwhelmed. exhausted. frazzled. and burnt out.

but if that is true... where does that leave us as a homeschooling family?
Even a more relaxed one?
I feel like with each passing day
I am just a little more taken advantage of...
just a little more less respected....
just a little more discouraged.....
just a little more overwhelmed....
just a little more exhausted.

I know my joy is in the Lord.
I am just having a really hard time keeping and maintaining   a happiness  with my children.
and why I homeschool is multilayered.
I feel led to do it.
but I really want to enjoy my kids.
and i dont know what to do at this point to change any part of that equation.
so
yeah. 

180 The movie

watch it!


I have very strong opinions on this topic. The halocaust it being erased from our history books and abortion is killing millions of babies.  please.. no matter what your opinion is on either of these two topics watch this short 33 minute film before you make a decision!

Invisible

recently I went to a Women of Faith concert in Anaheim CA this past weekend and saw an incredible skit by Katherine Everett, an exceptionally talented young lady who led a skit called "Invisible"

Some days I think that is my life...

that no one sees me... or hears me..or even notices when I am not there.


And then I saw this invisible woman skit (except it was done by Catherine Everett)

and I realized, maybe...

I want to be invisible.

If you are a woman... a wife... a mom... and feeling a little less than visible please please GO & watch this.





Perhaps you too will start to want to feel invisible, like me.

Rest in Peace

I have never claimed to be the most popular gal when it comes to topics... mostly cuz I am willing to tackle the tough stuff. I have felt this one brewing for over a week.... so here goes nothing...



so recently another rock star passed from this life into eternity, and all over facebook I saw R.I.P Amy.
This really really really bothered me.
People all over the web posting Rest in Peace...

really?

Do YOU think she rests in peace tonight?

or is that just something we do for not telling the world about the Jesus we love and adore and then keep to ourself?

or.....
 Is that something we do because we cant imagine the idea that real people do spend eternity in hell?

Now Hell was NOT created for us. In fact I truly believe God's heart breaks every single time one of the beloved people He created is sent to that most unfathomable horrific place. But reality is: There is an eternity and only 2 paths. heaven or hell. and real people DO spend an eternity there.... and if you dont choose Jesus that IS where you end up. In Hell. for Eternity.

folks. that is forever.

F.O.R.E.V.E.R

and I think this parable bothers me the most about it....

Luke 16:19-31

New King James Version (NKJV)

The Rich Man and Lazarus

19 “There was a certain rich man who was clothed in purple and fine linen and fared sumptuously every day. 20 But there was a certain beggar named Lazarus, full of sores, who was laid at his gate, 21 desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell[a] from the rich man’s table. Moreover the dogs came and licked his sores. 22 So it was that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels to Abraham’s bosom. The rich man also died and was buried. 23 And being in torments in Hades, he lifted up his eyes and saw Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom.

24 “Then he cried and said, ‘Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus that he may dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.’ 25 But Abraham said, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things; but now he is comforted and you are tormented. 26 And besides all this, between us and you there is a great gulf fixed, so that those who want to pass from here to you cannot, nor can those from there pass to us.’

27 “Then he said, ‘I beg you therefore, father, that you would send him to my father’s house, 28 for I have five brothers, that he may testify to them, lest they also come to this place of torment.’ 29 Abraham said to him, ‘They have Moses and the prophets; let them hear them.’ 30 And he said, ‘No, father Abraham; but if one goes to them from the dead, they will repent.’ 31 But he said to him, ‘If they do not hear Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded though one rise from the dead.’”

You see there are several things that deeply disturb me about this parable but .... the rich man can see into heaven. He cries out to Lazarus to simply touch his tongue for just a moment of relief... and then to be sent back so that his family members could avoid this torment.... but nowhere in the parable does Lazarus respond. Abraham does. Now I am not a Bible scholar.... but what if people in hell (hades) can see us in heaven and cry out to us... but we cant see them??? But based on this parable, just knowing they are there in torment wishing someone would go back and warn their family, their loved ones... so that they too could rest in peace in the Eternity of heaven.... bothers me deeply. What if that someone is me that they can see. Or You?

So be intentional and share your faith, invite folks to church, go where the people who dont know Jesus are and share the amazing Saviour with them - but dont just assume that everyone rests in peace.

something old...something new...something borrowed.... something blue

Reading up about hands on homeschooling....

found a great article about unschooling here

but very much love the amazing person and the blog she has that this friend of mine shares about the Charlotte Mason Approach

I will reluctantly call it unschooling... but CM isnt really and truly unschooling.

It is teaching your children to love learning through parent directed learning.

so for now we are soaking up the mound of library books we came home with today, reading our Bibles, playing board games, and learning new stuff, gearing up for Kids Camp  as well as remembering how to just enjoy learning again.

Lord,

I dont know exactly what I am doing. But I know You are leading our family in a new direction for the upcoming school year. Help me to be faithful to prayer and reading Your Word as you guide and direct our path. I thank you for revealing where we were lacking... and making us teachable. I thank you for the resources to research this change but more importantly the how to actually do this change. Forgive us for getting so distracted. Help up to rediscover the love for learning we once had.
in Jesus Name.

Amen

We need to talk....

not exactly words I long to hear at 10:39 at night.

usually that means I have spent too much money on something
or not finished something that should have been completed days ago...
or I shrunk something I shouldnt have
or didnt get around to washing his socks

rarely are those words something I long for.

but tonight ....

I am still reeling after those words.

the past few years have been wrought with changes...
leaving the simplicity of the desert
dealing with my parents
deployments
not seeming to fit in

and homeschooling has had its ups and downs.

people telling me I am doing it all wrong...
trying to make everyone happy....
struggling to do it the way other people
(to include my husband)
think I should

but in that mess.
the Joy of it has been gone for a while

and he has noticed.

while dinner is on the table and the carpet gets vaccuumed.

something has been missing.

so tonight.... he said
"I dont know where to start, but I want to help you... I dont think we are headed in the right direction"
I almost didnt breathe.
what could he say next...
put the kids in public school?
I was feeling sick to my stomach.

"I think we need to reexamine how we are teaching the kids and find our joy again"
"we need to do some praying. and come back with the love of learning we used to have"

yes.
i totally agree.
now...
to figure out how.

We are STILL praying baby Zeke!

Your mama is a brave woman. Braver than I think I could be. She told me today you are having a rough few days. That healing isn't coming as fast as she wishes it would. Friends... his platelet counts are very low, his blood pressure too low and even his oxygen saturation is too low. He is on a vent and still those O2 sats remain low..electrolytes are low too.....He has even has a blood transfusion. Tomorrow an EKG and echo are scheduled to check his heart function. They have started antibiotics for a possible bacterial infection. Pray!!!! God Knows the exact circumstances.

also pray for their other sweet boy (#6) baby Sam, He needs another surgery as this 11 month old 11 lb little guy has started to lose weight once again.

Pray for their 5 other blessings as they are bounced around and cared for by church friends as Shelly and Donald cope with the challenges with 2 hospitalized children. Pray for those trying to minister to the children and care for them in their parents abscence. And pray for Shelly & Donald... as they face this storm that they remember that God is in control.

PLEASE PRAY!!!!

if not me... who? if not now...when?

please listen to the whole message. but if you are short on time at least the last 12 minutes.

great stuff!

Bringing baby starfish home

I have a new friend at church. A special lady named Mary  She and her husband have created an amazing blog as they adopt a baby from Uganda. Can you help them out?

... Please "like" or leave a comment on our posts on Earth Monkey Mom's page today. Whoever gets the most action gets free advertising on their blog for a week! We could REALLY use this since we had almost no fundraising action for quite a while now... Thank you! ♥

Or you can check out her fundraising site here

Help them bring baby starfish to his new home.

Read their blog. and share their story!

A mama's heart

*****update 5/27/2011*****
Baby zeke made it through phase 1 of surgery today.
 He was in surgery for over 8 hours, He has a ton of recovery left to do!
 He will be sedated for the next two weeks which will hopefully give his little body time to recover and grow. KEEP PRAYING!
***************************

Meet my dear friends.

In this photo there are 7 baby blessings... but one you cant see.

During the pregnancy Shelly learned that baby "zeke" had a heart defect.

But she has trusted God and remains faithful.

On May 24 2011

little Ezekiel Caleb

*God strengthen's the heart*

was born.

His Aunt said, "He's tiny but feisty"

and at 3lbs 14 ozs

he arrived

7 weeks ahead of schedule.

so far he is stable.

but he has a long way to go.

And on Friday he will be having heart surgery.

His mama trusts God.

But her heart hurts.

She has barely even held this tiny blessing.

She earnestly wants to pray that the Lord's will is done

but

that is so very hard.



"Unless plans change, Ezekiel's surgery will be this Friday.  We will move to PICU tomorrow, recover there then most likely return to NICU due to being early and his size. His heart defect is slightly different than they thought ...in laymens terms they have to reconstruct his broken heart. IN semi medical jargon--congenitally corrected transportation of the great arteries-aorta connected to r ventricle, pulmonary artery connected to the L ventricle. his L ventricle is connected to his R atrium &; his R ventricle (which is hypoplastic-too small) is connceted to his L atrium (this is backwards!). His mitral valve &; tricuspid valves are reversed. His tricuspid valve is stenotic (blocked, non functional) &; some word that meant misplaced, flaps the wrong way or something like that (sorry a bit overwhelmed). his aorta is hypoplastic (too small ascending &; descending) &; he has coarctation of the aorta (the way the aorta arches is wrong) he has a VSD (ventral septal defect)-a hole bw/ the lower chambers of his heart. he has patent foramen ovale (but that is due meds &; a good thing bcuz it keeps the blood flowing freely til surgery) he has experienced some hypertension &; apnea due meds -so he is on additional meds. he had some metabolic acidosis episodes as well. tpn (total parenteral nutrition--IV nutrition) may be started today. It is a total blessing that my ob was wise enough to administer betamethasone (steroid to mature lungs in utero). Zeke is still breathing on his own. (w/ heart kids the Oxygen/intubation can do harm as well as good). had kidney U/S, will have head U/S. results of those later"

As you can see she is a bit overwhelmed. So I am asking you all to join me in prayer. Her 11 month old is still itty bitty (Samuel 11 months old and 11lbs) missing chromosomes and has had a year filled with his very own medical issues. Pray for her husband Donald as he cares for him and the other 5 children. Pray for dear friends as they watch the older 5 children while their daddy travels back and forth to the hospital over 3 hours away from *home* (which is relative as they have no immediate family nearby because they are active duty military)  AND takes care of baby Sammy.

                                                          baby Sammy Above                                                           
She has been unable to hold Ezekiel except for the moments right after he was first born.

She has asked us to pray that her children get to see Ezekiel before he goes to PICU before he goes to preop prep tomorrow. Pray for his heart surgery. That Jesus is the great physician and carefully uses the surgeons hands to knit his heart back together. Pray for the stress on the mama and the entire family. That they come together and remain faithful during this time of the storm. To remember that "God is in control in all things" (her words exactly) and that his "big" brother sammy continues to thrive and grow while she is away.
she sings this song to baby ezekiel. would you listen to it. pray for her and commit his little life to the Father... that he live to glorify God. That Shelly and Donald can rest in the Father's arms in an embrace filled with comfort, love and peace.

lookie lookie..we're all still here

drop by here and check out this amazing post!!!!

I just love what this guy has to say!!!

Will You?

a day not so long ago we met. 2 women - but very different paths.
her blue eyes pierced my heart.

I have 6 children that have been raised in and by the church, and while daddy has been away serving overseas he is still a very constant part of our family

she has a bunch of children, 5... I think. their daddy is away right now too. serving. but not in the military. these children more like orphans clinging to those people willing to invest in them but at the same time guarded.

We have a steady income. clothes on our back. a roof over our head. food in the cupboard.

she is on welfare. caught in a system. living in the worst section of town. her power was off for a week. they took cold showers. no heat. and her cupboards are bare.

my children still have a sense of wide eyed wonder about so much.

hers are hardened and have their innocence robbed by the world they exist in.

I have chosen a path even before Christ of the straight and narrow.

she struggles with addiction
and yet...

I am drawn to her and her children.
not because it's safe.

and its a messy, sticky and uncomfortable situation.
             but
   I am here. drawn into the heart of it.
I can see even where God would ask me

WILL YOU?

Will I what, Lord?
      be a friend?
         sure.
at first it was just at church.
   where for me it was "safe"

But is that really what God asks?

  WILL YOU?

Will I what Lord?
       encourage your children to be friends with her children?
     really Lord?
          HE will protect them.
   HE will keep them safe.

But still that nagging

  WILL YOU?

take it not one step further ... but way more.
   help her past the point of my comfort zone.
take the extra mile
  not just offer a smile and a hug in passing.
will you go to her house.
be her friend...
   so if the opportunity arises...
you might be there to be a mentor...
   even to disciple her?

.................... but I am not worthy of that.
and to be honest it scares me.

and I hear the Lord remind me that He will be my strength...
He will be the teacher.
     He will be the redeemer...
He will rescue.
   He will save.
He can show her
all I have to do is have a willing and open heart and give HIM all the glory...
 cuz... in my own strength
I am nothing.

I love the church we have found.

every week there are little shiny pebbles that are vivid reminded that this is where God has placed us.


just this afternoon I sat at lunch with a wonderful lady
who told me that they followed us to church last week
she said she told her son she was stalking us :)

I can't wait to get to know her better!


and the week before that met an energetic vivacious lady that introduced herself by telling me she had been stalking me ... our boys played together for the past few weeks and have really hit it off... only to find out she has other children with similar ages, and they homeschool.


teehee.

not in a creepy lock up your children sort of way.

but it's neat to see how the Lord is putting us right where we belong.


and we do feel like we belong.


just last week I got to sit with a young woman who leads a group of sophomore girls.
and I think to myself how amazing it is that God brought us here. now.


I can see for the past few years that our journey was not in vain. In fact each step required faith and growth.  I can even clearly see the trials we endured and how they worked together for good.
And now I long to drop roots and be deeply planted.

I can see friendships forming.


I want to let the Son reflect in all I do.

and I thank God for those shiny spots in the streambed that he allows me to see.

Resurrection Cookie Recipe

What a wonderful recipe to share with the children. These cookies are made the evening before celebrating the Resurrection, and are cooked in a warm oven overnight so they will be ready on Easter morning.



You need to preheat the oven to 300 degrees (this is important--don't wait until you are half done with the recipe!)



3 egg whites

1 cup whole pecans

1 tsp. Vinegar

A pinch salt

1 cup sugar

A zipper baggie

A wooden spoon

tape

Bible



Place pecans in zipper baggie and let children beat them with the wooden spoon to break into small pieces. I let them go all out, and then  Explain that after Jesus was arrested, He was beaten by the Roman soldiers.



Read John 19:1-3.



Let each child taste the vinegar ( you can ask them to smell it but it won't have the same impact). Put 1 tsp. vinegar into mixing bowl. Explain that when Jesus was thirsty on the cross, He was given vinegar to drink.



Read John 19:28-30.



Add egg whites to vinegar. Eggs represent life. Explain that Jesus gave His life to give us life.



Read John 10:10-11.



Sprinkle a little salt into each child's hand. Let them taste it and brush the rest into the bowl. Explain that this represents the salty tears shed by Jesus' followers, and the bitterness of our own sin.



Read Luke 23:27.



So far, the ingredients are not very appetizing. Add 1cup sugar. Explain that the sweetest part of the story is that Jesus died because He loves us. He wants us to know and belong to Him.



Read Ps. 34:8 and John 3:16.



Beat with a mixer on high speed for 12 to 15 minutes until stiff peaks are formed. Explain that the color white represents the purity in God's eyes of those whose sins have been cleansed by Jesus.



Read Isa. 1:18 and John 3:1-3.



Fold in broken nuts. Drop by teaspoons onto wax paper covered cookie sheet. Explain that each mound represents the rocky tomb where Jesus' body was laid.



Read Matt. 27:57-60.



Put the cookie sheet in the oven, close the door and turn the oven OFF.



Give each child a piece of tape and seal the oven door. Explain that Jesus' tomb was sealed.



Read Matt. 27:65-66.



GO TO BED! Explain that they may feel sad to leave the cookies in the oven overnight. Jesus' followers were in despair when the tomb was sealed.



Read John 16:20 and 22.



On Resurrection morning, open the oven and give everyone a cookie. Notice the cracked surface and take a bite. The cookies are hollow! On the first Resurrection, Jesus' followers were amazed to find the tomb open and empty.



Read Matt. 28:1-9

A fork in the road

so...

back in January if you had told me that I would still be out here on the coast...

instead of being moved into our new home in the desert

I probably would have called you crazy

actually people called me crazy for wanting to move back to the desert.

I almost wondered if I was

but,

we are not.

at least not now.

and for part of my heart,

there is an emptiness

an ache.

a longing to be there.

and yet.

here is where we remain.

We have found a great church

 we are getting plugged in.

it almost , just maybe, could possibly be a good fit.

like an old pair of shoes.

 not perfect.

but comfortable.

(if I ever find the perfect church I can't join it anyway.... I'd just mess it up)

so.... for now.

we will listen to that still small voice.

that leaves us here near the ocean

close to our land of milk and honey

and surfers, and days near the beach.

of balmy coastal breezes and

salty ocean air...

and see where that leads us.

I was so sure the opportunity in the desert was from God.

and perhaps it was just that.

a road...

to choose.

that small voice

says

but... what if you stay?

Diving in....

One thing about me....

I tend to not walk to the waters edge and stick a toe in the water.

This time is no different...

so

I am diving in.

We have been burned . but God has put salve on our wounds

and scattered. but God has faithfully brought us where he wants us

thrown to wolves. but God has encamped around us and kept the wolves at bay

broken. but even in the brokenness as God puts the pieces back together the image is still beautiful.

and even though there are fears.

We are stepping back into another church,

putting our hearts out there

and we want to be the hands and feet of Jesus

so despite our ...

blows.

we are stepping back into the ring.

into serving.

into giving

into faithfulness.

into friendships

and fellowship

Lord.

in all that we do

may we do it for you

and glorify only you

Let others see in us

the Jesus we love and adore.

 We love Him because He 1st loved us

1 John 4:19

 and I am so thankful to be loved today

because knowing that eases the missing the one we love.

Happy Valentine's Day

Celebrate with the one you love and Rejoice over the One that adores you