Friday, March 26, 2010

It looks like friendship

So this afternoon I found myself pondering friendship

What it takes to be a good friend

Proverbs 18:24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend sticketh closer than a brother.

The value of having good friends

Proverbs 27:9 Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel.

I am not always trusting, BUT I am pretty outgoing. And a little over a year ago we left the desert, and while I have been trying to make friends there seems to be - for me- all too often a disconnect. In the desert I had a friends, but life happened- and we don't talk as much as we used to- and things happened to change those relationships to a degree- but I still love them with a sisterly love- but things have changed. They have moved on. They need me a little less.

I however fear finding new friends
I try.
but often fail.
I try to hold onto those old friendships praying nothing will change...
it always does.
then it hurts.
and I would prefer not to hurt.
but that means I choose not to love either.

recently I have met up with a bunch of new homeschoolers.

They have made me realize I was choosing not to love.
that - HONESTLY- I hadnt been as open as I thought about new friendships
so we stayed home a lot this past year.
I blamed it on life happening, our trials, not 'finding' other homeschoolers...
I even lied to myself a little and tried believing I was genuinely looking for friends, and I was to a certain extent, but I was also holding back... a lot.

So, to be a friend you have to be friendly.

The haze is lifting. ever so slowly. I have found a group of amazing homeschooling women and feel so at home with them... and yet...
there is that fear holding me back.
fear of getting to close.
fear of trusting...
keep praying...
fear of losing control...
having someone move away...
a misunderstnading...

and as the warmth of friendships rays wrap around me God's ok...
trust them, you may get hurt but to be a friend you need to be vulnerable.

OH How hard that is.

Thursday, March 25, 2010


Honestly he just doesnt know how to be anything but his adorable little self. oh how I wuv him!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

On Our Knees

Normally on any given Friday night by 11 o'clock you will find me nursing Aaron and snuggled down for the night with Frank, but tonight was different. You see Sunday is Friend Day at our church and they are encouraging everyone to invite a friend, or 2 or 10 or 20 and providing a wonderful pancake breakfast for everyone in between their two services. But tonight was the 24 hour prayer vigil. Now I have gone to one or two prayer vigils in the 11 yrs I have been a christian. OK, one other. But tonight brought me to my knees.

I felt so small. We were asked to fill out cards with the people we wanted to invite to Friend Day. Hundreds maybe more that 2000 cards sat in the sanctuary in piles. Short of flipping through the cards saying "LORD, bring Larry to church for Salvation and Chris, and Moe and Steve, And Matt" There was NO POSSIBLE WAY to pray for each individual person on every single card during the one hour time block I signed up for. I only got through 2 piles in and hour and a half. Some cards were written by preschoolers, some by an elderly person, others by neighbors, coworkers, aquaintences, Marines, friends, employees, students, children, parents, aunts, uncles, and so many more. They were written for children and starbucks baristas, teachers and friends, entire families. I prayed over as many as I could and still felt so very very small.

As I drove away I heard great songs like City on our Knees by TobyMac and Brandon Heath's Give Me Your eyes and started praying for those coming and going to and from the church all throughout tonight. As the invites go out again tomorrow door to door, for all those involved from people serving pancakes, to people directing parking, to the choir and worship team, to the nursery workers, for the youth leaders and childrens church workers, for the alter team, the greeters, the hospitality teams and the Pastor. And in the midst of it I was humbled and felt oh so very small.

So many people don't know Christ as Saviour. My heart literally breaks just thinking about it. So many people headed for a Christless eternity unless...

unless someone invites them to church
unless God draws them near
unless they accept and receive the free gift of salvation

it is so simple and yet so very complicated.

Please pray for them all.

Monday, March 15, 2010

in the fast lane

Life is busy around here....


Between homeschooling, church, genuine fellowship, seeking a homeschool group to become involved in, kids growing up, life happening, making breakfast and lunch and dinners and a few snacks in between, going to church some more, refilling prescriptions, nursing a baby, watching him grow way. too. fast, and oh yeah being a wife, mother AND daughter to different people in my home... it has been longer than anticipated since my last post.

Life. is. busy.

sometimes even a tad bit crazy.

like when a few weeks ago when cps came a knocking at my door. I- of course- invited her in. I have nothing to hide.

Why is it that people like to report homeschoolers? I have no idea. I do know there are legitimate cases- but we are an open book. What you see is almost always what you get- a loved in, played in home... with loads of laundry cycling almost daily through the washing,drying putting it away cycle... busy days with schoolwork and in house story time, some puzzle time and some game time thrown in the mix. Did I mention she came over on a pajama day. yeah. well. she did. 2 in the afternoon all of us still clad in our jammie pants. Oh my!

yeah, life is crazy. We are an open book. ANd in so many ways there isnt a single thing I would change about it.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

March 2nd

used to be my dad's birthday. And for me today not so much stranger than any other, except I couldnt call him and wish him one. strange.

stopped my mom from buying him a cake today. I told her that might get a little wierd, buying a cake for a man that has been dead for almost 4 months now...told her that might weird out the kids just a bit. Honestly it weirded me out that the thought even crossed her mind, but I am rarely surprised at some of her antics anymore.

My dad and I hadnt lived in proximity to celebrate his birthday in over 15 yrs mostly, so it wasn't as strange for me...or maybe its just that I don't think that he misses us. Honestly I pray he is so wrapped up in heaven with Christ that the thought wouldnt even cross his mind that it was his birthday.

Cuz his Birthday into the kingdom of heaven was decided over the summer when he accepted CHrist as his Saviour, and on november 4,2009 he stepped into an eternity with Him. And that is the only Birthday that really matters for any of us anyway.

Besisdes we celebrated his birthday the day I took him to Oceanside pier. He had grumbled the whole way out, I was 39 weeks pregnant pushing him out to Ruby's diner... he wasnt hungry- which happened a lot then- but he wanted an ice cream sunday. So we ordered it for him. He seemed to really enjoy it. That is my last really good memory with my dad before he died.

I do miss him. As I type this post a few tears have trickled down my cheeks. I wish cancer hadnt taken him so soon. He would have only been 62 today. But far more than that I am thankful he chose a Christ filled eternity before it was too late.