Thursday, December 27, 2012

The Elephant In The Room


I think I have mentioned I am struggling. 
I am struggling with a proverbial metaphor
no one talks about it. 
and yet it is still there. 
actually it's a whole herd of elephants.
everyone can see them
yet we simply ignore them
problem is ....
they are still there. 
and yet we simply pretend not to see them. 

and because noone says anything we don't either.

and honestly .. it's cramping my style.

I am a blood bought born again sold out zealous Jesus Freek.

and the silence is killing me.

and if I talk about how we don't outreach and share the Gospel and people die & go to hell 
the fact that people have issues... they have sex and cut and struggle with pornography
that there are marriages in REAL trouble
the very real issues of kids in abusive homes
 talking about the  dangers of witchcraft to include gaming addictions
well ... 
and we sit in the comfort of our homes or even the comfort of our Sunday morning safe church sessions and we have idle chit chat and don't really and truly ever address the real things that require repentance and we simply pretend they are not within the walls of our community...
our neighborhoods...
our churches... 
our homes...
our families...

and we dance between the pachyderms in our lives.


And show someone like me how to handle teaching and sharing the love of Jesus
 with kindness that brings true repentance. 
or lead me where I can do THAT kind of ministry.

because ... I can't stand the silence in a room of elephants anymore

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Silent in the shadows

I am in a fog.
An achy heart wrenching fog.
& while there are many thoughts I could share...
I don't have any idea where...
Or how..
To even begin.

So I am absent.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Lessons in the great flood.

So I taught children's church this morning and as I did I really had to think about Noah.

To be counted the ONLY righteous man.

To watch everyone reject God.

To obediently build an ark in the middle of the desert.

His faithfulness & character was what protected him... and yet we often don't talk about what he went through.

Like what it must have been like to watch everyone die fr the rising waters and be completely helpless to help them.

Or to build a boat from the ground up without so much as a drawing ... or email... or you tube video.

Or just the idea of impending rain ... in the middle of the desert... and obediently
building a boat... because God said so.

And it's really made me think.

Would God find me faithful enough.
Righteous enough.
Honest enough.
Obedient enough.

Breakfast: Photo a 3

We were off bright & early to the Palm Springs Air Museum for the First Lego League's Robot competition.. so there was no time for breakfast ( for me anyway) so my breakfast was this bottle off soda. 
real healthy. 
I know

Friday, November 2, 2012

Day 2 Photo challenge: color

 in the desert
 in the mountains
at the harbor
(my favorite)

Thursday, November 1, 2012


November photo a day.
Today's assignment.
Something that begins with 'c'

Monday, October 29, 2012

Halloween Heresy

Like many of you I grew up celebrating Halloween.

An innocent fun tradition... right? Harmless fun?

I slowly but surely dabbled deeper & deeper into the occult and by the time I was 10 I was communicating with "spirits " via an aged ouija board. By the time I was 12 I was reading cards and astrological signs.... watching scary movies and not sleeping for weeks... at one point just going into the bathroom to wash my hands was terrifying as I could envision freddie kruger grabbing my hands with those hands of his. By the time I was 16 I was waist deep in wicca... doing everything I could to learn the art.

and at 25.
 As a practicing wiccan.
 I led a youth group.

 completely void of the true salvation that is ONLY found in Jesus Christ.

And that December in Kentucky... as God showed Himself to me & I repented of my sin... little did I know the journey He alone would take me on... one wrought with the struggle of submission, of not only repentance but also of deep conviction.

Now .... you might be out there groaning and thinking... is she for real? My harmless halloween fun in no way even resembles this...

But if you do choose to practice this holiday.... because it's "all just for fun",

let me just ask you a few questions....
Does your all in good fun dull your childs senses to good & evil?
Don't answer this one too fast as your answer may even build the foundation they put into their faith one day.

If you suggest people don't know any better ... you or your children may not be able to even see the lost people around them.

Now I am NOT the Christian that locks her door and shuts out the light and pretend that the day does not happen.

It happens.

And honestly there are real ramification that as 5 dressing up I did not understand... or at 10 I did not even remotely comprehend... and as I dove deeper and deeper with each passing year... it never occurred to me how very lost I was.

May I suggest to you if you are a believer in Christ..... to light up your house from the inside out... buy the biggest candy bars you can afford.... make invitations to your church and hand them out & SHARE the Gospel to any that will hear it. They are coming to YOUR DOOR! They will text their friends and tell EVERYONE you have the biggest candy bars in town. BLOW your candy budget & buy full size bars if you can.

If even just ONE person visits your church & accepts Jesus as their Lord... all Heaven will rejoice!

Here are a handful of facts about the origins of Halloween

by J. Kerby Anderson

Many in our secular society believe Halloween is nothing more than a harmless festival that allows kids to collect candy. But is it? Its origins lie deeply rooted in the occult, and Christians should stay away

 Here are ten reasons why

1. October 31st has long been known as "The Festival of the Dead." The Celtic tribes and their priests the Druids celebrated this day as a marker for the change from life to death.

2. Halloween today is performed usually by adherents of witchcraft who use the night for their rituals. Witches celebrate Halloween as the "Feast of Samhain," the first feast of the witchcraft year. Being a festival of the dead, Halloween is a time when witches attempt to communicate with the dead through various forms of divination.

3. Christians should not be involved with occultic practice or divination. Note God's command against divination in Deuteronomy 18.

4. Occultists believe Halloween is a time of transition between life and death. Some occult practitioners practiced divination and believed you could learn the secrets of life and wisdom by Iying on a grave and listening to the messages from the long-departed.

5. Occultists also taught that spirits and ghosts left the grave during this night and would seek out warmth in their previous homes. Villagers, fearful of the possibility of being visited by the ghosts of past occupants, would dress up in costumes to scare the spirits on their way. They would also leave food and other treats at their door to appease the spirits so they would not destroy their homes or crops but instead move on down the road. That is the real reason why kids dress up in costumes today and go door-to-door seeking treats.

6. Occultists also would try to scare away the spirits by carving a scary face into a pumpkin. This horrible visage would hopefully move the spirit on to another home or village and spare that home from destruction. Sometimes the villagers would light a candle and place it within the pumpkin and use it as a lantern (hence the name, Jack-o-Lantern). This is the origin of carving pumpkins at Halloween.

7. In some witchcraft covens, the closing ritual includes eating an apple or engaging in fertility rites. In the Bible (Genesis 3), eating a piece of fruit brought sin and death into the world. In witchcraft, eating an apple is symbolic of bringing life. The practice of bobbing for apples brings together two pagan traditions: divination and the fertility ritual.

8. Schools are removing any religious significance from Christmas (often called winter break) and Easter (spring break). Isn't it ironic that most public schools still celebrate Halloween even though it has occultic origins?

9. Participating in Halloween gives sanction to a holiday that promotes witches, divination, haunted houses, and other occultic practices.

10. Christians should avoid Halloween and develop creative alternatives. Churches can hold a Fall Fun Festival and/or celebrate Reformation Day (also October 31). They should not endorse or promote Halloween.
Copyright © 2001 Probe Ministries

About the Author

Kerby Anderson is the president of Probe Ministries International. He received his B.S. from Oregon State University, M.F.S. from Yale University, and M.A. from Georgetown University. He is the author of several books, including Genetic Engineering, Origin Science, Living Ethically in the 90s, Signs of Warning, Signs of Hope, and Moral Dilemmas. He also served as general editor for Marriage, Family and Sexuality.
He is a nationally syndicated columnist whose editorials have appeared in the Dallas Morning News, the Miami Herald, the San Jose Mercury, and the Houston Post.
He is the host of "Probe," and frequently serves as guest host on "Point of View" (USA Radio Network). He can be reached via e-mail at

What is Probe?

Probe Ministries is a non-profit corporation whose mission is to reclaim the primacy of Christian thought and values in Western culture through media, education, and literature. In seeking to accomplish this mission, Probe provides perspective on the integration of the academic disciplines and historic Christianity.
In addition, Probe acts as a clearing house, communicating the results of its research to the church and society at large.
Further information about Probe's materials and ministry may be obtained by writing to:

Probe Ministries
1900 Firman Drive, Suite 100
Richardson, TX 75081
(972) 480-0240 FAX(972) 644-9664
Copyright/Reproduction Limitations
This data file/document is the sole property of Probe Ministries. It may not be altered or edited in any way. It may be reproduced only in its entirety for circulation as "freeware," without charge. All reproductions of this data file and/or document must contain the copyright notice (i.e., Copyright © 2001 Probe Ministries) and this Copyright/Reproduction Limitations notice.

Finally there are MANY scriptures that spoke to my heart regarding this... these are just a few.

Deuteronomy 11:16  Take heed to yourselves, lest your heart be deceived, and you turn aside and serve other gods and worship them

1 Peter 3:12 For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
And His ears are open to their prayers;
But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.

2 Corinthians 6:14-17

14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? 15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? 16 And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you[a] are the temple of the living God. As God has said:
“I will dwell in them
And walk among them.
I will be their God,
And they shall be My people.”[b]
17 Therefore
“Come out from among them
And be separate, says the Lord.
Do not touch what is unclean,
And I will receive you.”

John 3:19-21(NKJV)

19 And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. 20 For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. 21 But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God.”

 Understand that a person or a families desire to NOT follow this holiday is a conviction by the Lord. Not everyone will share this conviction. There are still many believers even that will follow and choose to participate in this holiday... and people that do not follow God will not, in any capacity understand the choice not to participate.... in fact they may be mortified that You and your family don't. That is ok! But also realize you need to show the love of Christ and find ways to share the knowledge that you have and share the GOOD NEWS of Christ with everyone you meet... irregardless of the cost. You may be mocked. or told you are robbing your children of childhood fun. 

But remember this Scripture.....

Romans 12:9
Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good.

Thursday, October 18, 2012


It is so often what holds us back.

stops us dead in our tracks.

or even grips us so tightly around the throat that we cannot even take a single breath.


we see it as an obstacle.

other times it is a mountain to climb.

or worse has no end in sight.

But why?

Why is it that fear...
    of the unknown or known variety can seize us up?

honestly.  isn't  it easy peasy?

I.have. no. idea.

As a Christian... I read my Bible. I even KNOW that I walk through no circumstance alone. ever.
Jesus holds me..
carries me even
when times are too heavy to bear. s
I even know there are 365 reference to 'DO NOT FEAR' in the Bible.
and yet.
that doesn't stop us.

and it comes  in all shapes and sizes...
but not one of the feelings of fears is any less important than another.

Isaiah 41:10
Fear you not; for I am with you: be not dismayed; for I am your God: I will strengthen you; yes, I will help you; yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness.

and while I know the TRUTH in that scripture....
I tend to say... "yes Lord, but...."

There are a dozen little things in my life...
money's tight. school with the kids isn't always easy peasy. someone doesn't like me. I feel like I often don't have a direct purpose in ministry. Frank in college at home all the time is hard. blah...blah blah....


I mean. honestly we have it easy.

we are healthy. have some income ( even if it is tight), have a house. hot and cold running water. food in the cupboards... a car to drive...

so why do I become so fearful.. uptight and ungrateful?

The other day as we prayed before dinner.... and then as the kids began to complain about the dinner... I said ..." wow! really? you Thank God for the food one minute and almost in the very next breath complain about what He has provided!"


Yet it strikes me.

That all too often I do the very same thing.

God gives us an opportunity... we are gripped with fear so we do not act.

God provides the house.... and we always want more.

God makes the gas in the car go as far as it needed to and yet we always want to travel somewhere other than here.

How very ungrateful fear makes me.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Silence in the shadows

Is having things too thought provoking to post or maybe even ...what you would consider if you are an unbeliever... or maybe even a believer ... in Christ.

And saying nothing.

Instead if ruffling someone.

Out here.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Weaving pieces of myself

Basketry is a funny craft. You either enjoy it. Or you don't.  I recently signed up for a local craft fair...& today I am moody... and the weave is tight. Strained. Maybe even angry. I had forgotten each basket is a reflection of ourselves.
And I am tired.
And easily irritated.
As I weave up...
The pattern loosens.
As I begin to recognize that until I let go of all the anger & frustration I am holding onto...
The basket cannot become beautiful.
It would be gnarled and useless.
Much like we are when we remain angry
Or bitter
Or frustrated
Or irritated.
We allow God to mold & shape us.
Much like the basket
We are unusable.

What a profound lesson weaving has taught me tonight ...

So I thought it best to take just a moment & share it with you. 

Let go.

Let God weave the basket of your life together. It might just turn out more beautiful than you anticipated.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

Sin is messy

The fog is lifting.

Sometimes I do a whole lot of burying myself in what I want.
In what I need.

and sometimes...
no probably more often than not
when i do that I tell God what I want & how I want it.

and I can't even see straight when HE doesnt grant me my 3 wishes.


I think that sometimes I expect want hope that God will  be my genie.

and give me every little thing I ask for.

but that's not what scripture promises...

Philippians 4:19
But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus

And in this Desert journey 
our needs have been met. 
every step of the way.
Not how I would have liked always
or in the fashion I was accustomed to
but met nonetheless.

and I have been ungrateful.
sour about my circumstances. 
and that hasnt been fair to the people around me
the people I could have been ministering to
while I curled up in my selfish pot of sulkiness
and cried and felt sorry for myself.

and here I am. 

looking at my computer screen. 

and thinking about this.

and realizing I have to find peace & contentment in this season God has placed me in and
get back in the game.

Friday, August 17, 2012

Some nights...

I just don't sleep.

Lying awake pondering deep thoughts.

Tonight we were in downtown O'side at the weekly street fair. I hadn't been here since I was pregnant with Judah ...

Then it was cold.

Tonight the moist summer air lingered with the smell of ethnic foods & sea salty air.

We ran into several groups of friends from our church of not so long ago. We chatted... and were in the company of a dear friend and her 4 kidlets....

As we corralled 10 children between us... busy in the flurry of keeping it together... it occurred to me that so many at this street fair don't know Jesus.  And for a moment it broke my heart. Until I quickly dismissed the thought as a toddler scurried under my feet tipping over a soda, and the little girls needed a potty break.

After tasting a few ethnic dishes and wanting to savor the delight of the night...we corralled those 10 kidlets off to the local Dairy Queen. As we walked in the door we heard shots. Quickly dismissing it as a prank or maybe some firecrackers... surely gunshots in a marine corps town would have been recognized.

As kidlets were handed their cones the streets became a buzz of sirens ... police cars and ambulance... and then overhead... helocopters...

And in these way to late hours as I sit & consider....

I am heavy of heart at the fact that in my busyness not once did I stop & share the Gospel.  Not once.

& that in my world those shots seemed like not that big of a deal.

But they might have been.

A very big deal.

An eternal destination kind of big deal.

And that kind of thing shouldn't just keep me up at night. It should change everything to how and with what kind of urgency I live my life

Friday, August 10, 2012

Back to school thoughts

I have homeschooled for 12 years. And yet at the beginning of every single year I start to wonder ....

*what am I doing right?
*Are the kids learning enough?
*are they getting enough time to "socialize"?
*Are we balanced enough for all the grades and ages we represent?

and probably another dozen or more of the stupidest questions a mom could ask herself.

and without fail I am questioning myself yet again.
more like 2nd guessing.

Last year... as we embarked on yet another little person being added to this family... and in the middle of transitioning out of the USMC.... we took a dive and began to unschool.

now there are a LOT of misconceptions of what unschooling is. or is not. 

and no. Our kids don't play with legos & the wii from sun up to sun down.
but it has been a change.
and deschooling much harder than I ever imagined.

and here is where I am at.

for good or bad ...

I love the IDEA of unschooling.

I love getting to explore with your kids and learn along side them,


I do believe there needs to be some structure.

I mean. The Bible has structure.
life has structure.

I have met and been amazed by some radical unschooling moms
in life and on message boards
and I am learning ...

that for our family...
there needs to be SOME structure and some guidance as far as our unschooling journey goes.

and I don't know if that's what you would call "real unschooling" or not.

So this year...

I am not sitting down planning a year in advance.

But I will be keeping a journal of what we do & how we do it.

And we will put a few structural activities back in our day to day
(it has been a lazy summer of sleeping late for some of my children)
I wonder if you can combine the 2 styles I love most.
unschooling & Charlotte Mason

and I loved KONOS

if only there was a way to merge these 3 learning styles for ALL of my kidlets and for Frank & I to learn alongside them....

perhaps there is.

I have no answers.

but a friend recently reminded me of something I tell people when they ask the age old question...
"How do you homeschool?"

I always answer....

"One day at a time.... with God's grace"

Thursday, August 9, 2012

I don't like to feel

Sometimes i wish i could just put a lid on my emotions. I have talked here before about how i dislike the desert .... and I realize I am called a believer in be content in whatever season I am in.

But I remember so vividly sobbing each time I left Oceanside. Each trip *home* to the desert... just guttural sobs as I drove to my new home. My place to " be content".

There are still days like that for me here.  And sometimes it would be nice not to feel.

I miss my church there.
I miss an amazing group of girls there.
I miss the smell of the salty air& the ocean breeze.

And as I close my eyes on another day here in the desert I want to continue to choose to be content....but then why can't I stop these tears?

Friday, July 27, 2012

There's an APP for that

I have been reading a book.

CRAZY LOVE by Francis Chan

and it's really got me thinking.

I have read and re-read the 1st 4 chapters 3 times each.
not because I don't understand the principles.
But because until I can apply them they are pretty much worthless.

and so is the Bible.

Please don't miss my point.

We can get saved. love God. serve God.

and NEVER apply God's Word to our life fully.

But what does that say about MY life as a believer in Christ?

Does it say I just don't want to submit right now because it's inconvenient for me?
or perhaps that I know better than God the things I should do with my life...
or perhaps it simply says I don't love HIM enough to obey His Word.
or to pray.
or to read my Bible.

Have you ever really truly stopped to consider WHAT an AMAZING God we have?

Now what if you lived like you Believed that God is Incredible we wouldn't be so lukewarm.

now before you get all offended..

Jesus doesn't want us to be lukewarm

so WHY are we?

Please take a few minutes out of your day and watch this video


but don't JUST watch it and DO nothing. 


What would your church look like *if* we ALL did this?

or even if only a few of us did.

Install you app for God and get moving!

Monday, July 23, 2012

it is simple. right?


life is hard.


 God gives us new friends for the journey.


I am too raw & real for day to day life.

and if I say again that this move has been hard.
It has.

and I can tell you God has blessed me with friendships here.
both old & new.

but it is not without tears and strife.

I expected things to be different.

and yet..
some days it is ok.
I might even say there are good days.

plugging in to a new church.
Letting God use us to launch VBS.
exciting times for sure.

and yet.
I don't feel like we do enough for the Gospel.

people don't KNOW Jesus.
I mean REALLY know Jesus.
and if they DON'T know Jesus.
where they go when they die...
IF they don't know Jesus.

see we have a great God.
and it's pretty simple this G.O.S.P.E.L. message.

isn't it?

or is it like life right now.
simple yet complex.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

I think I will just stay in bed tomorrow.

When I was a kid my parents always made a big deal out of my birthday.

a very. BIG. deal.

being an only child one might even say I was spoiled. My mom always took the day off of work and my birthday pretty much revolved around what I wanted to do. some years that was a pool party, other years out to breakfast and a day filled with shopping, other years ... well yeah, you get the idea.

as I got older and married a guy where birthdays were NOT that big of a "tada"!!!
 that was hard on me.
So naturally when my daughter came along I did what my mom did for me but not nearly on such a scale.... and then the next kid & the next & the next & the next & the next & .... well Judah isn't one yet. And honestly over the years it has quieted down.. a lot.

mostly I am ok with not really celebrating my birthday BIG anymore.

or am I?

tomorrow is what one might call a milestone birthday.

and it will not get a big celebration.

no hoopla.

no fantastic trip out of the desert to the beach... or to visit my favorite orca.

but yet.

I ought to just be thankful for it right?

then why is it that all I wanna do is crawl into bed tonight and come back out on Friday when it's over?

Sunday, July 1, 2012

The 1st day of the rest of our life

My husband is OFFICIALLY retired from the USMC.
it is official.

Friday, June 29, 2012

My "It's NOT a 5 minute Friday " post

so it's Friday.... which means I whould be writing my "5 minute Friday post on ...Dance"

and I just don't want to.

lately I am facing a lot of that.

Things I *should* do that I just don't want to do.

and I am angry.

and scared.

The changes are coming.

And I do not like them.

I am angry that I did almost everything in my power to get the horses here and yet my 17 yr old no longer even seems to care. And all that time and energy and money into my paddock was supposed to be our trip to family camp at Forest Home.... and now we cannot go. And I am really trying not to be resentful about it. but I am having a difficult time.

I feel like all getting out of the USMC has done is prove how broken our family is.

And we aren't broken in BIG ways just a million little tiny ways.... or so it seems.
to me anyhow.
Not that you could ever see it.
Or even that we try to hide it.
Cuz we don't.
in fact we are accused of being WAY to real.

so one more dryer full of clothes and checking the oldest two kidlets bags who are off to church camp tomorrow. & I need to spend a few minutes... well maybe more than that in prayer that my heart wouldn't be resentful that they get to go ... even if it's not Forest Home.... and I do not. and really, it's not like family camp could have fixed those million broken shattered peices all in a week anyway...

Sunday, June 24, 2012

deep breath

I have been a huge mix of emotions these past few months.
new baby. new home. move. new life

and I don't know what God has planned for us here. 
But ... I suppose it is time to put  on a brave face & start living again. 
and maybe.. just maybe take a few pictures of our journey

Friday, June 22, 2012

5 Minute Friday: RISK

Want to know how Five Minute Friday got started? All the details are over here now on its own, special Five Minute Friday page.

Because, as we all know, the first rule of Five Minute Friday is leaving an encouraging comment for the person who linked up before you. Casey is an amazing mom and a dear friend. I figure if she can make time for this today with her busy life so should I!
So, set your timer, clear your head, for five minutes of free writing without worrying about getting it right.
 So click the graphic to jump over to Lisa's page to post your 5 minutes on RISK!

Here goes nothing. 

only 5 minutes...

my life feels like a complete risk right now. 
Frank retiring from the USMC. 
 a new baby. 
Arianna starting college in the fall.
Frank starting school in August.
farrier school.
staying in California.
the unknown
starting a new life.
retiring an old life.

It's all a risk. you see up until now there was a pretty much no fail plan. 

but now. 

life is a risk.

and it is frightening. 

knowing that we are raising a family of 7 children and not knowing what the future holds. Up until now there has always been a plan. but now?

there are bigger risks. 

bigger what if's 

bigger why did we choose this?

bigger what of we didn't choose the right thing?

and is it even enough of a risk?

why here?

why now?

it just doesn't make any sense.... but I suppose if it did. then it wouldn't be much of a risk at all. 


Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Life ..... and Death

This has been a hard week. We fostered a mama cat & 3 sweet baby kitties out of a  high kill shelter .

the mama kitty was a doll... or so we thought.

well..with people she is. totally sweet. completely litter box trained, this was someone's house pet that they dumped . very pregnant. And like many high kill shelters they simply destroy the mom & babies... unless a rescue group steps in with a foster. We were that foster.

Problem is. Mama cat got sick... what seemed like a cold turned into an upper respiratory infection. We headed to the vet last Thursday & bought lots of canned stinky food  to get mama cat to eat & gave her meds. But by the next morning... baby girl kitty had the sniffles. The vet had said if the kittens came down with it their prognosis wouldn't be good. and the very next day baby girl kitty (the kids called her Kaity) got sick. sniffles, sneezing wouldn't nurse. so we bottle fed. But fluid was building in her lungs and the end did not look good. This morning sometime between 4am & 6:30 she passed in her sleep.

But 2 nights ago mama kitty snapped. she suffocated the little grey & white kitten ( we think) and the ONLY reason I suspect that is because I SAW her try to kill his brother too. I actually pulled the mama off of him. Perhaps she knows something that we don't. But that surely didn't make it any easier waking up to what seemed like a healthy kitten... WHY would she kill him?

So we have one left.
 One cute fuzzy 2 and a half week ball of cute fuzziness.
 I have discouraged the kids from naming him yet though... since he too now has the sniffles. In fact, we go back to the vet again today to have him checked out. My heart is heavy. I wonder if I did these kitties any favors by bringing them home. Mama kitty definitely picked up a nasty virus from the shelter... and maybe in some small way we made these kittens lives better for 2 weeks.... I sure hope so.

But it isn't easy. losing such sweet babies is really hard on me & the kids emotionally.

Pray for us as this last little guy still isn't out of the woods... yet. pray he makes it through.

Friday, June 1, 2012

The next 30 Days

So for the past several years I have gone on a journey with some amazing Godly women praying for their husbands....

And I have quit

Every. Single. Time.
 I am not proud of it. But I always want to be real.
 I have always wanted to write a prayer journal for my husband.
I have 3.
Completely. Unfinished.
 So this month. Today actually. I begin again. A fresh start. A journey of prayer.
And it must be a great journey... or it wouldn't be so difficult.
A struggle.
 In fact... this excerpt is in the very 1st chapter. She says she had a conversation with God that went something like this:
 Day 1: His Wife
"Do you see the way he is Lord?" Do you see the way you are? "Lord. Are you saying there are things you want to change in me?" Many things. Are you ready to hear them? " Well I guess so..." Tell me when you're really ready "Why me God? He is the one that needs to change" The point is not WHO needs to change. The point is who is WILLING to change "But God. This isn't fair." I never said life is fair. I said I am fair. "But I...." Someone has to be willing to start. "Do I have to pray for my husband even if he is not praying for me?" Precisely. "Oh this is going to be painful! I can't believe I am saying this.. (deep breath)... change ME Lord"

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Are you?

If you do nothing else today. Watch this. let it permeate who you are if you call yourself a believer.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Wet Paint


my favorite poet as a teen was Lois Wyse. There was just something about her poetry that described me. I found a handful of her poems today while unpacking that I had copied. and this one..although not always.. sometimes still applies to me.

Wet Paint

In the park
I like so much
There is a bench
And over it there is a sign
Wet Paint.

          Do not sit.
          Do not touch.
          Do not disturb.

I was born under that sign.

          For there are days I cannot function in your life.
          There are times I am wet paint.

But do remember this, my love,
When I seem freshly striped:
Wet paint dries faster in the sun,
and you must learn to un-
derstand that even in the warmth of all your love
There are still times my paint is slow to dry.
So give me time, and meanwhile

         Do not sit.
         Do not touch.
         Do not disturb.

I need new paint.
I also need the sun.
          Lois Wyse

if you enjoyed this one you can get the book here