Monday, January 31, 2011

Calculated Risks

I am so SURE the move to the desert is the right thing to do....
then week after week
I attend NewSong Community Church
and I question it.
It's not a deep feeling of "this is where I belong"
but more of a "what if?"

Sometimes it feels like my life is a series of calculated risks....

mostly in relation to how hurt I will get when it is time to move again.

and what if we move in April and this *is* where we are supposed to be?

How will we know... for certain?

I suppose I am waiting on my husband's homecoming for final decisions.
but just this week the conversation went someting like this...

Kiah " I can't wait to move to the desert when daddy get's home"
me "um, Ki... you DO understand Daddy will not be moving to the desert with us for at least another year"
at this point Kiah is almost crying
me "he'll be home on the weekends though"
Kiah "maybe we shouldnt move, I dont want to be without daddy again"

for me it was heartbreaking.

I am trusting that The Lord will CLEARLY mark which path HE wants for us.

please keep us in prayer
especially as we sort through this muddle of emotions

because at the same time, my kids long to be back in the desert...
although I will miss life here in oceanside something fierce...
I cry every time I leave there...
for some reason my heart is tied to that place...

and yet...

I find myself ask "what if?"

Saturday, January 29, 2011

I don't count the days


I didn't try to count the days til he left.

I didn't count the days once he left.
not all the time.

I mean 30 days after he was gone, at some point on that day I remember thinking to myself...
"we survived the first month"

I couldnt bring myself to try to even really determine a halfway mark...

so at Christmas when he said we have passed that....
it was a blessing.

and now...

it is almost the month he will come home.
almost 6 weeks earlier than originally planned.
and I am counting our blessings.

we are keeping busy
making paper chains
and banners to celebrate his homecoming...
which is soon...
but not too soon.

and I am really trying not to count.
because the days could change.
but it is a season of excitement
and preparing
for being together

and the world will feel complete again.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

challah bread

 What you need...
(we multiplied x5)

a pinch of salt
2 Tbsp oil
2 Tbsp sugar
5/8 C. lukewarm water
1 Tbsp yeast
1 egg plus 1 egg yolk
2 1/2 C flour
poppy seeds
large bowl
cookie sheet
cloth to cover loaf
pastry brush

 First combine the sugar, salt, oil and lukewarm water.
Make sure the water is not too hot or it will kill the yeast
add the yeast,
stir once and
watch it grow for about 5 minutes
 crack the egg into a seperate bowl
add to mixture.

 add flour
blend with your hands until dough is a dough ball
add water to moisten if necessary
or flour to thicken
knead the dough once a dough ball for about 5 minutes

 lightly oil the bowl and place the dough in it
cover with a damp cloth
(we used press n seal)
put it in a warm spot until it doubles in size
(about an hour and a half)

punch down the dough and let it rise again for about an hour
 once dough rises again divide into 4 long strips.
pinch the pieces at the top together
starting on the left weave the bread strips
 in an over
until the loaf is completely braided
and pinch the ends together.

place on cookie sheet & let rise for 45minutes
paint egg yolk on uncooked bread with a pastry brush
sprinkle with poppy seeds as desired

bake at 350 for 20-24 minutes
bread should be golden brown and sound hollow when you tap it.

Making bread is a science. It has a protein called gluten that makes the dough elastic. kneading is important because it causes 2 proteins in flour (gliadin and glutenin) to join together and form gluten. gluten is useful because the elasticity of the dough will expand because the yeast forms tiny bubbles of carbon dioxide gas. you should end up with a light loaf of bread rather than a rock hard lump!

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Sweet 16

16 years ago today I became a mom
and the little girl God gave us
is turning into an amazing young lady.
Happy Birthday Sweet girl

Saturday, January 15, 2011

No matter how much I have wanted to I stil don't fir here.
the puzzle piece that just doesnt belong.
and while it is AMAZINGLY beautiful
and I love it very much
being that piece of the puzzle that doesnt fit
and I will miss the splendor of a coastal sunset
I will not be far away
and will return to soak in the amazing beauty here

But no matter how much I deny it
my heart is drawn here
to the majesty of the desert skies
the place where that puzle piece doesnt just fit
but fits so snugly that I feel a sense of
in a place that is strange to belong.
soon... we will go back
to where the skies stretch on for miles
and the pinks, and blues of the desert sunsets
collide with the stars. 

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

where we belong

For the last two years we have driven to the desert for the first of the year, and as a friend graciously opened her home to our crazy little crew, little did I know what kind of changes would be taking place in my life...

we have decided to move back to the desert.

Son Reigns Ranch is gone. we are not returning to what was.

I must have been asked a dozen times this week, if I am leaving this sunny beachy paradise ON PURPOSE to return to the desert.

Truth is I LOVE it here.
I do.
I love the ocean breezes.
the smell of the air.
the ambience of the wharf.
the convience of city life.
the relatively short distance to everything.
the fact that there are so many educational opportunities.
the beach.
the sunsets.


every.single.time. I drive to the desert I just feel like I am going home.
I mostly love the people there.
the people that became our friends and family.
I love the simpleness.
the smell of a creosote bush just before it rains.
the sounds of coyotes.
the quial running across the highway.
I love the joshua trees, each one different and unique... a piece of God's amazing masterpiece.
I love the horses and the lifestyle, even if it is harder.
I love the golden pink sunsets.
but mostly I miss my desert friends.

It was where we fit. like that puzzlepiece that just is part of the puzzle.
I cry every time I leave.
and I dont cry.
but I do when I leave the desert.

it appears God is a God of second chances
(which I know but often need a reminder)
and we are being presented with an opportunity to buy a micro ranch on 1.25 acres out there again.
and we are excited.
in fact I have already started packing!

Once my guy gets back from the sandy spot, the kids and I will move back up there and he will come home on weekends. there will be a lot of moving parts... but it is doable. and I am quite excited.

I will miss the ocean.
a lot.
but having my dear friends (who are really more like family) will be more than worth it!

Desert Dreams

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So much change is coming our way, but for now just look at a few glimpses from the amazing week we have had with our desert family....