So this afternoon I found myself pondering friendship
What it takes to be a good friend
Proverbs 18:24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend sticketh closer than a brother.
The value of having good friends
Proverbs 27:9 Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel.
I am not always trusting, BUT I am pretty outgoing. And a little over a year ago we left the desert, and while I have been trying to make friends there seems to be - for me- all too often a disconnect. In the desert I had a friends, but life happened- and we don't talk as much as we used to- and things happened to change those relationships to a degree- but I still love them with a sisterly love- but things have changed. They have moved on. They need me a little less.
I however fear finding new friends
but often fail.
I try to hold onto those old friendships praying nothing will change...
it always does.
then it hurts.
and I would prefer not to hurt.
but that means I choose not to love either.
recently I have met up with a bunch of new homeschoolers.
They have made me realize I was choosing not to love.
that - HONESTLY- I hadnt been as open as I thought about new friendships
so we stayed home a lot this past year.
I blamed it on life happening, our trials, not 'finding' other homeschoolers...
I even lied to myself a little and tried believing I was genuinely looking for friends, and I was to a certain extent, but I was also holding back... a lot.
So, to be a friend you have to be friendly.
The haze is lifting. ever so slowly. I have found a group of amazing homeschooling women and feel so at home with them... and yet...
there is that fear holding me back.
fear of getting to close.
fear of trusting...
fear of losing control...
having someone move away...
and as the warmth of friendships rays wrap around me God says...it's ok...
trust them, you may get hurt but to be a friend you need to be vulnerable.
OH How hard that is.