Friday, March 26, 2010

It looks like friendship

So this afternoon I found myself pondering friendship

What it takes to be a good friend

Proverbs 18:24 A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend sticketh closer than a brother.

The value of having good friends

Proverbs 27:9 Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel.

I am not always trusting, BUT I am pretty outgoing. And a little over a year ago we left the desert, and while I have been trying to make friends there seems to be - for me- all too often a disconnect. In the desert I had a friends, but life happened- and we don't talk as much as we used to- and things happened to change those relationships to a degree- but I still love them with a sisterly love- but things have changed. They have moved on. They need me a little less.

I however fear finding new friends
I try.
but often fail.
I try to hold onto those old friendships praying nothing will change...
it always does.
then it hurts.
and I would prefer not to hurt.
but that means I choose not to love either.

recently I have met up with a bunch of new homeschoolers.

They have made me realize I was choosing not to love.
that - HONESTLY- I hadnt been as open as I thought about new friendships
so we stayed home a lot this past year.
I blamed it on life happening, our trials, not 'finding' other homeschoolers...
I even lied to myself a little and tried believing I was genuinely looking for friends, and I was to a certain extent, but I was also holding back... a lot.

So, to be a friend you have to be friendly.

The haze is lifting. ever so slowly. I have found a group of amazing homeschooling women and feel so at home with them... and yet...
there is that fear holding me back.
fear of getting to close.
fear of trusting...
keep praying...
fear of losing control...
having someone move away...
a misunderstnading...

and as the warmth of friendships rays wrap around me God's ok...
trust them, you may get hurt but to be a friend you need to be vulnerable.

OH How hard that is.


Hols said...

thanks for sharing your heart! It is often times much easier to be vulnerable through our blogs than it is face to face with those that we are currently friends with or those that we want to be friends with. I recently attended a Women of Faith conference where one of the speakers spoke on this very subject of friendship, being a friend and being vulnerable. And I too realized that I need to make myself vulnerable, not only in the friendships I have but in order to make new friends. You are so right, in order to make friends you have to be one and often times you have to be one first. It is hard but oh, so worth it. Think about often have we kept ourselves from being the one person God wanted to use to bless someone or help someone through a trying time, but because of our fear we missed that opportunity. Or how often has God wanted to use a potential friend to bless or minister to us but they missed out because we were afraid to even place ourselves in a position where they could meet us or befriend us. It takes us stepping outside our comfort zones to be blessed and be a blessing. And is that not what God desire.....for us to bless and to be blessed?
Keep placing yourself outside your comfort zone for God has many great blessings in store for you in the friendship department!

Rach said...

I miss you, dearly, my friend. And I am so glad to have found you again today!