Tuesday, March 22, 2011

raw edges

blogging is hard.

sometimes. opening up to the world that doesnt really know you and being painfully honest  and real is a scary place. And yet. that is precisely what blogging is. When I dont know what to blog about... or the stuff is too difficult to share... I find I simply don't post.
but, thats not really what its about either.
I mean if I am real. you know I struggle with day to day things.
and yet, when is it crossing the line to blog about it?

Do I tell you that today my 6 yr old and 9 yr old just didnt want to do any schoolwork and were blatently disobedient, and instead of fighting with them we cleaned and organized the living room this afternoon?
Do I tell you that I never have uncomfortable discussions with my 16 yr old teenager about life?
Do I openly share that since my husband returned home from Afghanistan that life is rosy and without challenges?

Or do I tell you, that every morning as I stumble out of bed at least 20 minutes later than I planned to that I hit the ground running, forgetting far to often to cover my day in prayer. I head downstairs and get the kids breakfast only to find one or two of them glued to the tv without permission. That I spend the next hour chasing my tail, praying for just a moment to soak up a morsel of God's word. That when I finally do sit down it is often to the groanings of children less than compliant to do their daily math drills. That I stress over the little things, especially in the moments just before my husband will be walking thru the door... and that even marriage has uncomfortable quiet awkward moments these days where love is a choice... a promise... a forever and always... that we honor... but doesnt always come easy. That I spend moments throughout the day stealing moments of prayer, or reading a short passage... crumbs to get through the day. That sometimes dinner is late, and the kids don't like what I have made... and then its off to baths and sleepy tired eyes that won't sleep because ... there are always other things to do than be in bed on time. Do I tell you I lost my cool when my teenager talked back and later sat down and apologized as we worked it out later rather than sooner the way God would have wanted us to.... or that every night I have snuggled in bed beside my husband cherishing every single moment since he returned or be real and tell you thats when I blog or edit photos or spend some real time in the Word.

Things around here are real. if you can handle our life, I hope to get back to just giving God the glory for our day to day, and commit it all to Him. I am so thankful that I have a Jesus who loves me despite all my shortcomings, but at the end of the day, as well as every moment throughout it my heart wants to follow.... and it's not easy.

but its a choice... I will choose

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