this desert place.....

a very long time ago I started a blog. here.

and recently I have not written here.
not.
at.
all.

It isn't that I have nothing to say.

or that I am not reading God's word and gleaning from it...

or listening & reading amazing pastors and absorbing some amazing teaching.

BUT.

I find myself a year later writing bitter diatribes in my head about the desert
& I am certain that is NOT what I should be posting.

or how very challenging life is right now... emotionally, financially, with babies, raising teens, homeschooling,ranch life...the list goes on.

or how I am struggling with fellowship here in this desert place.

I want to say what I am learning as I grow...

but honesctly it is a day to day struggle to put one foot in front of the other

life is almost mundane.
rythmic.

days blend together.

here. in this desert place.

I want to be back in the front lines in ministry serving alongside some fantastic Holy Spirit led people at NewSong in Oceanside... but God obviously has other plans for me right now.

plans that I need to find contentment in.

but I feel so far removed from what the Bible tells me I should be doing...
the living active thriving part of a church.
I feel like I don't do enough here...
in this desert place.

and yet I stand on the promise that God has plans for me.
and a future.

I want God to say to me what He told Jeremiah.

but maybe that is asking too much.

Maybe my plate is too full.

Maybe that is what God is trying to teach me.

But God's WORD says we are supposed to be a light.
share the Gospel. 

But if I am not DOING those things and just training my children..
perhaps I truly am just going through the motions.

& God knows my heart.
I want more than that.