Wednesday, January 8, 2014


Devalued: To lessen or cancel the value of

The other day I received a text out of the blue from my daughter.

It read " You told Sara that you were never raped and that you told me that to scare me. Really!?" 

I  am STILL reeling.

Rape is hard enough without being told you're a liar 25 years after it happened to you.... but to be told that by my very own daughter was more devestating than ever. She insisted that someone (her story changed and she said it wasn't Sara later in the messages) told her that. I suspect that "someone" doesn't know me very well...because that's part of my challenging past... part of my "story".

I am not afraid to tell people... the details I don't elaborate on often because it is so very personal. It was my 1st time. Not a choice. But I CHOOSE to be an overcomer rather than a victim. The ONLY reason I can get through it sometimes is because Christ gives me the strength to overcome it.

The shattered pieces of my past are scars... and the last thing I needed was for those scars to be reopened... even when scars are healed sometimes there is scar tissue that once touched can be painful.

Being told I was a liar devalued what had happened to me. Back then I was 16 I never called the police. I WAS called a liar.. many times. I was 800 miles from home and I had been drinking underage.. and the guys that did it made sure to tell me no one would EVER believe me.

and today there is no "evidence" of the experience.
Unless you count the emotional scars or perhaps the nightmares that creep into my head from time to time. Or perhaps the  times I still shy away from my husband as he sneaks up behind me being harmlessly cute and I jump away.
 Yes. It is in my past, and yes.
I have survived it.
 and yes.
 I have chosen to be an overcomer.
but YES. I have scars.

and NO.
I never lied about it.

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