We need to talk....

not exactly words I long to hear at 10:39 at night.

usually that means I have spent too much money on something
or not finished something that should have been completed days ago...
or I shrunk something I shouldnt have
or didnt get around to washing his socks

rarely are those words something I long for.

but tonight ....

I am still reeling after those words.

the past few years have been wrought with changes...
leaving the simplicity of the desert
dealing with my parents
deployments
not seeming to fit in

and homeschooling has had its ups and downs.

people telling me I am doing it all wrong...
trying to make everyone happy....
struggling to do it the way other people
(to include my husband)
think I should

but in that mess.
the Joy of it has been gone for a while

and he has noticed.

while dinner is on the table and the carpet gets vaccuumed.

something has been missing.

so tonight.... he said
"I dont know where to start, but I want to help you... I dont think we are headed in the right direction"
I almost didnt breathe.
what could he say next...
put the kids in public school?
I was feeling sick to my stomach.

"I think we need to reexamine how we are teaching the kids and find our joy again"
"we need to do some praying. and come back with the love of learning we used to have"

yes.
i totally agree.
now...
to figure out how.