Sin is messy

The fog is lifting.

Sometimes I do a whole lot of burying myself in what I want.
In what I need.

and sometimes...
no probably more often than not
when i do that I tell God what I want & how I want it.

and I can't even see straight when HE doesnt grant me my 3 wishes.

Yes.

I think that sometimes I expect want hope that God will  be my genie.

and give me every little thing I ask for.

but that's not what scripture promises...

Philippians 4:19
But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus

And in this Desert journey 
our needs have been met. 
every step of the way.
Not how I would have liked always
or in the fashion I was accustomed to
but met nonetheless.

and I have been ungrateful.
discontent.
sour about my circumstances. 
and that hasnt been fair to the people around me
the people I could have been ministering to
while I curled up in my selfish pot of sulkiness
and cried and felt sorry for myself.

and here I am. 

looking at my computer screen. 


and thinking about this.

and realizing I have to find peace & contentment in this season God has placed me in and
get back in the game.