Sunday, March 25, 2012

Shooting Star

One night... not very long ago I saw my very first legit shooting star. And I remember thinking how amazing it was. But even more amazing was that when i
I posted that as my facebook status... that only my desert friends... over 100 miles east.... posted that they had seen it too.

I remember thinking that out of all my facebook friends it struck me as odd that only my desert friends replied.

In the midst of still wondering if that is where we belong... it seemed where we fit the best.

But now that we are here thoughts of doubt & uncertainty flood my heart almost daily. My heart longs for the salty ocean breezes and beauty in the big blue. I am struggling. And I want to obediently submit & find happiness and not wish for what can no longer be.

& the thing is..... God has given me cherished homeschool friends for my family, pointed us to a church, and given us this home, as well as a community filled with good friendships. So why do I feel so alone? What am I missing?

Oceanside was my Camelot. A part of me could have remained forever... but in so many ways we didn't quite 'fit' there either. Maybe we just don't fit anywhere.... or maybe we have lived this military lifestyle too long to be normal. Since my hubby retires very soon from the military maybe it's just fear... or the unknown... or a complex combination of them.

Pray for us as we figure out where we belong out here....& that God can put the pieces of our hearts back together

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Do what HE calls you to do

Moving back to the desert was supposed to be easy. A perfect fit. One size fits us. A complete package....

But instead it has been wrought with uncertainty, a hint of lonliness, and has left me questioning why God led us back here... granted it hasnt been long and I did have a baby & I am still buried a bit in the unpacking process....

But we have been fellowshipping at a new church.... & last Sunday & tonight I have been hit squarely in my heart by the words that was taught.

I need to stop walking in the flesh. Remember how to be a disciplemaker. and you might be thinking you? You havn't forgotten. But I would say.. yes... I have. I am very willing to make an investment in a child or teen or even another person... but to be a disciplemaker I have to be willing to walk in the trenches with them and even get a bit messy... and I AM willing... but not always when they need me.
I need to dig deep & be a person of prayer. The Word of God is eternal.
I should be investing my life in the Word of God, Jesus & people.
And I was faced with the questions... am I investing in those 3 things...

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God [is] quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and [is] a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

I need to change my behavior.

As I told this to my daughter she said... "but mom, we are better than most people" and I said.. that is not good enough. Its not about comparison. Its about loving Jesus so much that you cannot imagine not obeying His Word. It isn't an obedience based out of legalism... but one based out of a deep love.

2 Timothy 3:16-17 All scripture [is] given by inspiration of God, and [is] profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:That the man of God may be perfect, throughly furnished unto all good works.

I should be equipped for every good work.

Truth is as a believer in Christ if I am not equipped to be kind and tenderhearted, willing to lend a hand or offer an ear to listen or even speak the truth in love or share the Gospel then I am not living for Jesus....

James 1:21-22 Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.

Accept the Word & DO WHAT it says to do.

Don't be self deceived, don't think I am better than anyone ... but if I have the knowledge of what I should do as a christian and do nothing with it... does that even make me useful? And if I don't share the good news with others ... does that make me much use to God's kingdom?

READ the Word of God. This is so simple and yet so easy to skip. in the daily hustle & bustle of life.. how easy to just say ...oh I will read it tomorrow... and how many tomorrows does it take before we do read God's Word?

I was reminded that if I am not careful I will take in just enough of the Word to be immunized by it's truth, which at some point will render me not entirely useless but certainly a baby needing to feed off other people who have a stronger walk with Christ than I do. I need to be memorizing scripture. I need to be intentional about studying and hearing the Word of God.

It's not easy.

But what if the reflection people see of me doesn't reflect Christ & I call myself a believer in Christ?

I am not saying I can achieve perfection. I can't and thank goodness for grace. But what if I did take God's Word so seriously that the life I lived did become a direct reflection of God's Word. How would that change me?

AM I willing to submit & find out?

Friday, March 16, 2012

nothing like a fire to heat things up

this week the mountain behind my house was ablaze as we headed out to church wednesday night. SO I scooped up the kids & the dogs .. dropped the dogs off at grandma's house and took the kids to church. Honestly it was a bit scary as I have never been that close to a wildfire... and while I was assured it was "too far away to reach us" there was still that nagging voice in the back of my head wondering if evacuation would be necessary & if it was what would happen to our house?

and then I felt God whisper... "its all temporal... you have the important things in your truck"

While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also Matthew 6:19-21

and then in the midst of my worry & concern I started thinking about and praying for friends that are struggling in a more profound way... so I started to pray for them. and while that didnt change the position or location of the wildfire it did change my focus. And the worry that I could have allowed to overtake me was held at bay.

We came home after church and tracked down an officer and asked if we should find somewhere to stay for the night. He assured us that the winds had died down & that we should be safe for the night.. and in the event that an evacuation became necessary they would go through and insist everyone evacuate. So I packed up a laundry basket full of clean clothes and prepped for the worst & prayed for the best.

As Judah woke up through the night to feed I looked out the window and saw flashlights out there manning the fire.. and as the night progressed there was less and less fire and what felt like more and more flashlights. By morning there were a few smoke plumes but for the most part the fire was out...

but then I had to consider... would I be as thankful if God had allowed the fire to rage and consume this area. and I was just thankful I didnt have to consider that. The kids , the dogs & I were safe. and that was more than enough to be thankful for.

Friday, March 9, 2012

life's been a wee bit crazy

a piece of advice....

when you're husband is less than 6 months from retiring from the USMC.

do not plan to have a baby... buy a house in the desert.... move yourself & all your belingings and your children to that house less than 5 days before the c-section is scheduled over 100 miles away....

and remember the baby and raising the kids is more important than unpacking the boxes....

yep. life is crazy

but he is beautiful...

welcome to our family Judah Benjamin