Saturday, February 21, 2009

A Blessing in the Midst of Chaos.

Almost 2 weeks ago during the invitation at church I almost audibly heard...

"Do you trust me?"

I looked around... no, no one near me said that... I went back to singing....

I heard it again. strange.

" Do you trust me?"

I thought .... Lord You know I trust you.... and sort of laughed it off...

and then one last time....

" No I mean, do you really trust me?"

I was frozen. 2 days later took a pregnancy test that could have been read as maybe positive, so I went out and bought two more. took another one the next day that came up not pregnant (I was not messing around this time it was DIGITAL!) ... days passed, and I was 1 week late. And there was one digital test left. I refused to take it in the morning so i waited...and after many more trips to the bathroom than usual I caved a bit after lunch on Tuesday. DO you know what that digital pregnancy test said.... ???? It said I was pregnant.

So I decide that the only thing to do now is go to the naval hospital and have a real test done. Except I can't find my ID card anywhere.... all the while in the back of my head I am thinking why now? why after we got orders? why this week? and then a quiet peace sweeps over me.... and asks "do you trust me?"

as I drive to base on Wednesday to replace my long gone ID card and get another pregnancy test, somewhere between fear and excitement.... after the miscarriage in September there is most definitely a lingering fear, but also due to the circumstance surrounding Frank's orders that fear is lurking at the edges of my thoughts... and yet this baby could be the blessing amidst the chaos.

Franks orders have not changed. And the catch 22 we are in still exists although there is a possibility with the news of this pregnancy we will be moving with Frank in 6-8 weeks rather than staying behind. What does that mean for the house and the ranch? Those answers I do not know. The same God is in control of it it all. and I am pregnant with a little life inside of me.


hellokittiemama said...


A blessing :)

Post Tenebras Lux said...

Congratulations. And I'm sorry this is so hard. But truly, congratulations. God *is* **good**.