I am so SURE the move to the desert is the right thing to do....
then week after week
I attend NewSong Community Church
and I question it.
It's not a deep feeling of "this is where I belong"
but more of a "what if?"
Sometimes it feels like my life is a series of calculated risks....
mostly in relation to how hurt I will get when it is time to move again.
and what if we move in April and this *is* where we are supposed to be?
How will we know... for certain?
I suppose I am waiting on my husband's homecoming for final decisions.
but just this week the conversation went someting like this...
Kiah " I can't wait to move to the desert when daddy get's home"
me "um, Ki... you DO understand Daddy will not be moving to the desert with us for at least another year"
at this point Kiah is almost crying
me "he'll be home on the weekends though"
Kiah "maybe we shouldnt move, I dont want to be without daddy again"
for me it was heartbreaking.
I am trusting that The Lord will CLEARLY mark which path HE wants for us.
please keep us in prayer
especially as we sort through this muddle of emotions
because at the same time, my kids long to be back in the desert...
although I will miss life here in oceanside something fierce...
I cry every time I leave there...
for some reason my heart is tied to that place...
I find myself ask "what if?"