Are you?

If you do nothing else today. Watch this. let it permeate who you are if you call yourself a believer.

Wet Paint

 

my favorite poet as a teen was Lois Wyse. There was just something about her poetry that described me. I found a handful of her poems today while unpacking that I had copied. and this one..although not always.. sometimes still applies to me.

Wet Paint

In the park
I like so much
There is a bench
And over it there is a sign
Wet Paint.

          Do not sit.
          Do not touch.
          Do not disturb.

I was born under that sign.

          For there are days I cannot function in your life.
          There are times I am wet paint.

But do remember this, my love,
When I seem freshly striped:
Wet paint dries faster in the sun,
and you must learn to un-
derstand that even in the warmth of all your love
There are still times my paint is slow to dry.
So give me time, and meanwhile

         Do not sit.
         Do not touch.
         Do not disturb.

I need new paint.
I also need the sun.
          Lois Wyse

if you enjoyed this one you can get the book here

Life in a small town

Today was a local parade in my community.  Small town life. Aaron & Judah's 1st parade. It was different. Simple.

In some ways bittersweet.

5 minute Friday time

On Fridays over here a group of people who love to throw caution to the wind and just write gather to share what five minutes buys them. Just five minutes. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.
Your words. This shared feast.
If you have five minutes, we double dog dare you to spend it writing here

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments.
OK, are you ready? The Gypsy Mama Facebook late night crew is my new muse come 10pm Thursday night, so please give me your best five minutes this week on : OPPORTUNITY 

so I am supposed to write about opportunity.

ones lost?

or ones ahead?

or ones I may never know because of choices that we have made?

I do believe everything happens for a purpose.

I just am unsure of what that may be...

but opportunity....

to minister to others? to be a blessing? to wonder?

do I seize the opportunities God places before me? or do I walk away from them? Have I lost the sense that each opportunity to teach... to listen... to share.... to to hear God's voice... or is it easier to ignore the opportunity... and just live life.

Boy there are a few heavy questions that I certainly need to figure out..huh?

STOP. 

5 minute friday

On Fridays over here a group of people who love to throw caution to the wind and just write gather to share what five minutes buys them. Just five minutes. Unscripted. Unedited. Real.
Your words. This shared feast.
If you have five minutes, we double dog dare you to spend it writing here

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking
2. Link back here and invite others to join in.
3. Please visit the person who linked up before you & encourage them in their comments.
OK, are you ready? The Gypsy Mama Facebook late night crew is my new muse come 10pm Thursday night, so please give me your best five minutes on their choice

                                                                         Joey

 Part of me moved back to the desert just so he could come home. He was supposed to come home with Nick... his best buddy .. and a wonderful mustang from the BLM. But during escrow on the house Nick died... and while Joey had other horses where he was there was a part of me that just needed him to come home. A dear friend had given us these 2 horses during our last visit to the desert.. and Joey became one of the 6 horses at Son Reigns Ranch.

 Well, the ranch has changed. He came home and to be honest at first I dont think he even had a clue what to think. I honestly think he expected to come *home* to the old ranch.. on the mesa. I think he remembered & was eager to see the grumpy old mare and the rest of the herd... but they were not there...

so for now as we figure out life.. we are his herd. well. us & jack. But that's another blog post since I am almost out of minutes. Welcome home Joey boy ... we love you beyond words!!!

Girlfriends

we all have a few...or don't we? 

                              
I remember an evening a long time ago when a friend from GA said I needed some.... and I did. I really didn't have any.

I grew up with a close girlfriend or two.

But after attending an all girls private catholic school... I knew that girls were not to be trusted.

so. I didn't

And as I read this amazing post about friendship this morning..... I realized I have fewer than I ever thought. at least in real life. ya know... one's with skin on.

At the Women of Faith event last year Lisa Welchel taught about this very thing. & I found myself wondering how many real & true friendships ... she said if in a lifetime you have 1 or 2 real friends you are blessed. And because we have moved from place to place some of those real & true friendships got locked inside my computer... or my cell phone... in the form of blogs, Facebook friends & text messages as those friends with skin moved away... or moved on.

& still I felt alone.

I mean how can a girl that lives in Oceanside CA feel lonely?
but I did. 
I mean, I had friends.
But I don't know if I have ever really truly ever had a best friend since grade school.
A few close friends ... yes.
for sure.
I am actually blessed to have people from each move... each duty station... that were a huge factor in my life. But sometimes I felt like I was still on the outside.


Then I moved back to the desert.
where people are together a very. long. time.
& like I mentioned sometimes it feels like standing n the outside looking in.
& obviously we all have our own lives.
& families.
& well stuff that keeps us occupied...

And I am hoping that as I figure out where I fit.... that God would give me a few friends that I can share my fears and hopes with... my joy and laughter as well as my tears... that my kids will be loved & accepted by their families... that they will love me for who I am where I am at in my walk with Christ & yet challenge me to greater things... that they will be my encourager ... my prayer partner.... my confidant.

but for me trust doesn't come easy...


so they will also have to be patient with me.

    
                               

and if you're out there... and reading this and have shared a friendship with me... THANK YOU.

our lives are so transient that it is hard.... And in a world that says "if they hurt you just move on" it's hard to keep true real time friends that last a lifetime. often we have friends for a season. I have had a lot of those. sadly for me. that is part of the why I have a hard time with trusting again.

But we have to keep reaching out.

See the truth is.. there is at least a few girls out there that feel the very same way I do... and are just waiting for a friend too... but are too scared to say it. too scared to trust... too scared to be real.

be their friend & in time God will grown those friendships.

John 15:12-15 “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.

 

 “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” C.S. Lewis

 and for those of you out there reading this... that have been a friend with skin on... but we are no longer together (except through electronic media) this is for you :)

                     

The Truth

I don't want to be here.

there.

I said it out loud.

And I don't know what more there is to say about it. I feel stranded in this beautiful desert. and yes. It is a beautiful desert. I just don't want to be here.

& as I sit and think about it, its so much more than that.

It is uncertainty.

It is different.

It is not knowing if we will have much of an income in a few short weeks as Frank embarks on self employment..... self employment he has not yet even trained to do.
 

It's about knowing what defined me as a Marine wife. Each duty station... different. hard. lonely.
but. It was an adventure. & even when God brought us back to places nothing was the same. ever.

and like that gnarled Joshua tree at the top...it almost defines me.
bending in different directions as was needed for a time.
able to move in many directions.
able to plant myself for seasons of life.

but what next?

we have moved into a town where everyone knows everyone.. and if they don't they know someone who does.

I hated my life in a small town 20 years ago. and I left.

and now ... we have committed to plant roots here. & to be honest I think what I thought and what was real are so very different it's kind of like looking through the bottom of a glass coke bottle.
It was distorted.
What seemed real was not.
But it is my new reality.

so. the question is how do I grow to love it?

because right now.
yeah.
not so much. I long for what was....

people here have lives. They have grown up together. we look from the outside at the people laughing & smiling inside... and there seems to be no way to get in.

Oh we do get in. for quick glances. teasers. or moments where we have shoved our foot in the door just moments before they didn't mean to shut it in our face.

and then we are shut out. old friendships with secret smiles. people that have grown up together, shared life.. laughter.. & tears together... and it's hard to step in. harder still- even this time. but they have no idea how hard it is.

so for now... we wait. and pray. that time will grow acceptance & teach me how to love it and not feel so trapped.

My Friend Casey 
has challenged me to do this on fridays to get back into the swing of blogging. 5 minutes. unscripted. unedited. raw blogging at it's finest ( or worst) soo here goes....

Tonight is prom for my eldest girlie. I didn't expect her to attend a prom much less a Christian Homeschool Prom. I am so excited. My mom will arrive shortly to do an updo on her hair. I am doing her nails... & then we will head over to her friend's to get ready. Well, she will get ready with the other girls & I will laugh, sit back, enjoy & take photos.

& then it's down the hill for an evening of dress up & glamour. Where little girls dress up to be princesses... for a night. Because all little girls want to dress up from time to time & be beautiful and feel like cinderella.

well my pizza timer for lunch is beeping so that means my 5 minutes is up.

Have a great Friday!

Silence... *take 2*

I honestly don't know what to blog about. This move has been a struggle for me.
 On many levels.
 but there is so much in the fine lines that I can't talk about.
 This transition into "civilian life" is hard. Being a "Marine wife" has, to a degree defined me for the last 18 years.
This move has been not as it seemed it would turn out. In that alone there have been challenges.
 The choices my husband has chosen for our family are not what I ever thought they would be when he retired from the USMC. But if I blog about those I need to prayerfully do it in a way where I talk about it openly without dishonoring my husbands choices.
 & then I consider blogging. and I think about my dear friends that are going through something .. and I feel like if I blog about the rough times on my blog.. well.. to be honest they aren't so rough at all.
 which kind of put things in perspective and I stay silent.

 I am trying to be content in what I have this season.
 but.
 it's not easy.
 and as this new season in our life launches.

 I am afraid.

 and I sit and re-read scripture that tells me not to be afraid. and I fell like I don't belong. anywhere. and I can't really blog about that ... can I?
 & we are rebuilding a micro ranch... I * could blog about that* but what is there to say.
 and having a new baby... yep.. topics without time.
 and I am finding , in this season, I am all of a sudden worried about saying the wrong thing and offending someone. &
 homeschooling... yep there is yet another topic that I honestly dont think anyone wants to hear from me about.
 so pray for me. that I cold find my writing mojo.
 I do miss it. But I just don't know what to say or how to say it. & what I am "struggling" with is nothing compared to others so I am having a hard time ... well blogging... about the change.

Absent

silence. empty blog space. empty journals. but life has not been remotely quiet. busyness. new baby. new house. unpack boxes. make dinner. homeschool the kidlets.see my husband retire from the usmc. happens faster then you can blink... & then the baby turned 2 months old.reading books. memorizing Awana verses. blink again. another week or two gone. lunch with my mom. An afternoon with friends.the horse Joey comes home ... family days. shopping for a prom dress. blink. no don't! blink cuz I might miss something. and I really don't want to keep missing things. so absence, not silence. from blogging happened.